A Fresh Start for Both of Us

Carl & I have been dating for about 2 1/2 months now but strangely, it seems like we've been married for 10 years. We are so at ease with each other...there's nothing that we can't talk about...or haven't talked about. It's like we are speed-dating. We feel like teen-agers...and based on some of our FB posts, we act and think like teen-agers too ! It's just that we are so happy and want the world to know what we found in each other. As I look back at some things I wrote, it becomes apparent to me that I may have been insensitive where my kiddos are concerned. I know they loved their Daddy so much and it probably hurt to read some of the things I wrote. I certainly didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings. I am just so happy and want to share my feelings. Carl makes me smile, giggle, feel giddy...all those things you do when you are deeply, madly in love ! And don't get me wrong- I loved Rick so very much and I will never forget him...he was an amzing man. But I cried every day for a long time and it was time to get back to living and smiling again. Rick would not want me to be miserable. It was time for a new beginning. The first time I laid eyes on Carl Barger, I knew I would love this man. I thought he was so adorable when I opened my front door and he stood there and raised his eyebrows at me and grinned. We went to dinner but skipped the movie instead going to Melton Hill Park to....uh...well..park. See I told you we act like teenagers ! The security gaurd even had to run us off because the park was closed. We laughed a lot on that first date. Who would've thought I'd meet my next husband on FaceBook ??!! We are both so much in love and looking forward to travelling in the near future. I'm sure the kids will come around when they see what I see...he is a good, decent man and he is very good to me & my family. And most important...I love him with all my heart. And he loves me.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Goodness...what a week !!! I kissed a man other than Rick (yep only # 2 !)...it was exciting , scary, and good...a different good. I wouldn't say we made a 'love connection' but I wouldn't say we didn't either. You say 'What ?' and I say that too. I am conflicted. And I am crazy-tired...definitely sleep deprived this week. Emotional roller coaster doesn't even begin to describe what I've been feeling...like a teenager! Oh and I lost 8 pounds. Amazing what 'love' can do for ya'. I'm looking forward to continuing this journey to find love. I want a man in my life. I need a man in my life.

Time Marches On

It's hard to believe Rick has been gone for almost a year...time stands still for no one. I have adjusted to my life alone...can't say that I like it but I'm doing alright. Rick was such a huge part of my life so it's only natural that I miss him terribly. He is the first thing I think about every morning and the last thing I think about every night. And I talk to him everyday while I swim in our pool. We had such fun in that pool ! My sisters check on me regularly which I found so odd at first but they realized I had never been without Rick from the time I was 14 years old. They did not know if I could make it without him !! (Yes I can ! ) I haven't drowned yet Karen but thanks for worrying enough for the both of us. heheheh. My friend Jan has become my new movie-eating out buddy. She, more than most, knew what Rick and I had was very special. I appreciate her friendship more than ever. Teresa and Mom have tried to include me in some of their fun outings which has helped too. Before...Rick and I did everything together. I don't plan on spending the rest of my life alone. I like having a man around. I want to travel. I want that 'best friend' again...someone who won't judge you and who you can just be yourself around. I have found a handyman who has done anything I've asked of him for a reasonable fee. I think everyone comes into your life for a reason. My 2 little grandsons are precious and bring me great joy. But with that joy comes a sadness that Rick can't be here to watch them grow up and teach them so much. They won't remember their Grandpa Rick...they were only 1 yr. and 2 wk. old when he died. And now Kim is pregnant with her second child whom Rick will never get to hold. We got cheated out of so much !! But we also had an amazing life together and for that I am thankful. Very thankful. Oh how I loved that man !

I need a man...??

I find myself looking at men like I never have. I'm even checking out the mowing guys...sad but true. I wasn't meant to be alone. Rick was my absolute best friend as I think any spouse should be. I need that 'significant other' to do everything with....makes living so much more fun...in short, it makes life worth living. Today, while delivering mail, a guy smiled at me. Of course I smiled back. I thought about him for a few minutes after that...he was a cutie...middle-aged with short gray hair...Does this mean that I am ready for someone new ?? I don't think so...not yet but I think it means I just really miss what Rick and I shared...and maybe I am realizing that I could have that again in the future. I still think about Rick all the time...he was my world and I could not have loved him more ! I still can't tell someone about him without tears streaming down my face. A man came to the door tonight selling meat from his truck. He was very friendly but I told him my husband had 'just died' and I had a freezer full of meat. And then I started crying...and so did he. He gave me 2 big 'real' hugs which I needed. Life can be so hard but people like that man help people like me. I can't say that I'm 'living' yet but I'm getting by as best I can. And that's all I can do. :-(

Time to get things done

Well..it's been 9 months since my wonderful husband Rick died. I am still so sad but I've got to move on. My house is a cluttered mess...I'm definitely going to be working on that. Plus, I have gained weight...about 10 pounds since Rick died. As of today I am starting a 'eat healthy' diet. I hope to lose 100 pounds and rediscover myself.